O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
