I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
