DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
