Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
