My boss' voice literally gives me gas
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize