please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
