Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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