You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
