It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
