I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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