she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
