yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
