I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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