Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
