so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
