One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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