dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
