two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And the cops told us we were all naked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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