a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
