Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
