He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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