never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
