roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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