it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
