I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
