My hand turned me down
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Girls should come with a carfax report
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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