how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
