Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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