fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
