You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
