Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
