His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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