whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
