last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
honey bunches of taint.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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