o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
