I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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