Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
