She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
