I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
