the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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