I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
