so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
