My boss' voice literally gives me gas
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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