My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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