there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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