Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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