At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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