Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
