I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
