i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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