epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
