Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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