new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
this is an emotional support booty call
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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