from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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