i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
