Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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