mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
