we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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