Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
