No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
