Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
