I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
