Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
