3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
