youre lurking in front of me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
