I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
