She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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