so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
a search helicopter?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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