She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
