How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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