I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
