all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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