**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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