What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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